Tips on Dealing With Putdowns

Speaking Up About Putdowns

When someone is saying something that is hurtful or rude, speaking up takes courage. Speaking up takes the skills of knowing the words to say and how to deal with negative reactions. Finally, speaking up takes wisdom, because there are times when speaking up is a mistake. If a dangerous person is insulting you or others when there is no adult around who can help you to stay safe, the best plan is to leave.

What is a Putdown?

A putdown is an insulting remark that “puts down” another person. Whether a putdown is directed at himself or herself or at someone else, young people and adults need to understand that stopping putdowns with their family, friends, colleagues, and classmates is like stopping pollution or littering. It might not always be possible, but it is important to try when we can. If we get mad and start insulting the person who is making the putdown remarks, this is like adding to the pollution. Instead, we can learn to speak up in ways that are polite and clear.

Common putdowns include laughing, making rude gestures or sounds, mimicking, and saying insulting things to make someone feel embarrassed, uncomfortable, or ashamed. Putdowns also include making negative remarks about someone behind her or his back for the purpose of getting others to think less of this person. This is different than speaking up about a problem to get help, because the purpose is not to find a solution, but to be hurtful to this person.

Ways to Speak Up

Parents & Adults, who are in supervisor roles, need YOUR HELP, depending on the nature of the putdown and the ages of your Kids/students, responses that we might have young people practice include:

“That’s not funny. Please stop.”

“That’s a mean thing to say. I don’t like it.”

“That’s not cool.”

“What purpose does it serve to say that? It sounds like an insult.”

“That’s disrespectful. Please stop.”

“That’s prejudice. That’s not acceptable to me.”

“That’s a mean thing to do. Stop or I’ll leave.”

“That’s bullying. We promised not to do that and I want to keep our promises.”

“That’s dishonorable. You are a better person than that.

We also help young people come up with “I” statements such as, “I feel sad when you say unkind things about people. Please stop.”

"Like Us" on Facebook - Click Here

"Follow Us" on Twitter - Click Here