As we know from our own childhoods the
impact of Bullying is significant, now scientifically, we can look
into the brains of adolescence seeing the actual effect of traumatic
negative circumstances. Because of the intensity, bullying can affect
a child in every area of their life; the trauma experienced sends
cortisol levels spiking much like a traumatic car accident.
Bullying is serious; as the number of
bully’s increases; as their reach and their effect (due to online
presence) increase, the problem is getting worse. How do we protect
our sons and daughters from bullying? This is a significant question.
Although the answer may shock you, it is simple. You can’t. A
second MORE important question, “how do we protect them from the
EFFECTS of bullying?” That is where our responsibility as parents
is. We must matter more to our children, our opinion of our kids must
matter more. Our words must be louder (in a loving way) than the
hurtful words of multiple bullies. Our children, when apart from us
will be bullied; will we be there (in their minds) to help them
through?
How can we be present with them even
though they are away from us? Perhaps to demonstrate how, I’ll use
a simple example. Your six year old on the first day of grade 1 is
in the playground and another bigger child (perhaps from an advanced
grade) starts to tell her, that 2 plus 2 equals 5. Perhaps you child
stands confused, and she may not even say something back, but what is
happening in your child’s head? Perhaps you have a child who knows
how to speak for themselves, hands on hips she will say “no my
daddy taught me, that 2 plus 2 is 4. Your child knows what is true,
because you taught them what is true, you brought out apples and put
two on one side of the table and two on the other, and then counted
them all. Each of these moments, will be going through your little
girls brain, as she stares at someone, disagreeing with you, and your
teaching.
What happens, when what is said in the
playground, feels like it FITS what is said at home? What happens,
when a bully calls your little girl worthless and because of the way
she FEELS when you tell her to clean her room, or drop her off at
school, she believes it is true, not just from the bully, but in her
life?
The real change that needs to be made
when it comes to the epidemic of bullying, is in our living rooms,
our dining rooms, in our kitchens and mini vans on the way to soccer
practice. Parenting is frustrating deal. Kids don’t listen, they
are not mini adults, they are little ones who have yet to mature.
They forget things, wreck things, spill things, and then slam their
bikes into the side of your Mercedes. They break the dish that has
been in the family for 3 generations. And these things suck. They are
hard, how we respond in the moment, and/or how we end a day, how we
apologize, how we ensure, even though we share our frustration, that
our kids know they are loved by us, makes all the difference in the
playground.
Our words.
Our voice.
They need to be held, protected by you.
I believe that if parents knew the only thing that would protect
their kids at recess from the bully is their words that morning, or
the evening before, then parents would try as hard as they could to
change those words.
“You are worthless” – No, my
DADDY said I was special
“You are ugly” – no, my mommy
said I was beautiful
“You are snob” – no, my parents
said I was nice
“You are pathetic” – no, I am
loved
Words are powerful – may your words
speak louder than the bully
Justin Hubert
@justinHubert (twitter)
www.slv2all.blogspot.com
(Blog)
Justin is the CEO of Heritage Family
Services, an organization caring for 100 kids every day aged 0-18, he
and his wife have 4 kids aged 2-12.
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