Dealing with the Bully at WORK

What can you do if you’re being bullied at WORK – PART 1

An increasing number of organizations are developing anti-bullying policies. If your workplace has a policy in place, follow it. If your workplace has no anti-bullying policy, the following suggestions will

help you take action:

• Tell the bully that his or her behavior is unwelcome and unwanted. To communicate your concerns effectively, follow these suggestions:
• Describe the offensive behavior, explain why it’s unacceptable and describe its effect on you.
• Focus on the problem not the person. Avoid blaming language such as, “You always...” Instead, describe the outcome: “When you criticize me in front of our customers, I feel like they lose confidence in my abilities.”
• Tell the bully firmly that you want the behavior to stop.
• If you need support to take this step, arrange for a witness to be present when you approach the bully.
• If you don’t feel comfortable talking to the bully in person, write a letter and send it by registered mail or courier. Keep the delivery receipt and a copy of the letter.

What can you do if you’re being bullied at WORK – PART 2

If the bullying continues, tell your supervisor. If your supervisor is the bully, tell your supervisor’s manager. Or speak with human resources staff or the person identified in your organization’s harassment policy. If your concerns are minimized, take them to the next level of management or to your union or professional association. Present your concerns in a professional, factual way.

Keep a factual journal of events. Record the date, time, witnesses, what happened (in as much detail as possible) and the outcome. A record of the number and frequency of events can help establish a pattern of bullying.

Keep copies of any letters, e-mails, memos or faxes you receive from the person.

Keep copies of performance appraisals or references that prove you can do your job. Continue doing your job to the best of your ability.

What can you do if you’re being bullied at WORK - PART 3

Avoid being alone with the bully. When you communicate with this person, stick to the issues and stay as calm as possible. Walk away if the bully threatens, scolds or belittles you.

Stay connected with your co-workers and others. Don’t let a bully isolate you. However, if you discover your co-workers are also targets, be very cautious about dealing with the bully as a group. Group action against the bully could be interpreted as mobbing or group bullying. Instead, co-ordinate your individual responses so the bully receives a consistent message that his or her actions are unacceptable.

Resist the urge to retaliate. It can make you look like a bully.

Tip Tuesday - April 16

Help Your Child Deal With Bullying At School Tips:

Role Play with your Child
Role-play with your child of some situations that happened. You play the bully and let your child

practice her responses. This will help your child with their confidence and be able to handle situations easier because they have practiced with you.

Talk to Other Adults
Talk to other adults that could watch your child for you. You may know someone that volunteers at school on the playground or at lunch break so they can be aware of what is happening and can keep an eye on things for you.

Keeping a Journal or Diary
Purchase a journal or diary for your child so that they can write down there feelings on paper. They need to get their feeling out somehow and if they are not expressing all their feelings to you, at least they have somewhere to write down how they feel and to release it from their minds.

En-roll them in Self-Confidence Classes
En-roll your child in a self-confidence class, like Tae-Kwon-Do or marshal arts. It is important to build up their self-confidence and this could help your child. Anything that can build up their self-confidence as a person is great for your children.

Follow-Up
Follow-up with your child to find out how the bullying situation is going at school and what is or isn't working. Keep an open communication with them so that you know what is going on at school. Keeping an open communication with your child will also help them know that you care what is going on and that you are there to help assist them with the problems that they are facing in their daily life.

Purchase Some Books on Bullying for your child
There are many great books out there to help your child with bullying. If you read the book with them, this opens up the opportunity for them to open up about the things that are happening to them. Here are some books that are recommended by the National Center of Bullying Prevention that are age appropriate for your child.

Bootsie Barker Bites by Barbara Bottner (ages 3 - 8)
A book about yard bullies

Chrysanthemum by Kevin Henkes (ages 3 - 8)
Chrysanthemum gets teased at her first day of school because of her name.

Arthur's April Fool by Marc Brown (ages 4 - 8)
Arthur worried about remembering his magic tricks for April Fool's Day and Binky's threats to pulverize him.

Thank you, Mr. Falker by Patricia Polacco (ages 4 - 8)
Classmates tease a girl because she has a reading and learning disability.

Recess Queen by Alexis O'Neil (ages 4 - 8)
The Biggest bully on the school playground is challenged by a new girl at school.

King of the Playground by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor (ages 4 - 8)
A young boy overcomes his fear of a boy who will not let him on the playground.

My Secret Bully by Trudy Ludwig (ages 5 - 8)
A girl confides to her mother that her best friend is treating her badly, and together they figure out what to do.

Hooway for Wodney Wat by Helen Wester (ages 5 - 8)
Classmates make fun of someone because of a speech impediment.

Nobody Knew What to Do by Becky Ray McCain (ages 6 - 9)
When bullies pick on a boy at school, a classmate is afraid, but decides he must do something.

The Hundred Dress by Eleanor Estes (ages 8 - 10)
A Classic, award winning book about prejudice and understanding

Just Kidding by Judy Ludwig (ages 8 - 12)
This book addresses the topic of teasing and emphasizes that jokes make people feel bad and can damage self-esteem.

Amelia's Bully Survival Guide by Marissa Moss (ages 8-12)
Amelia deals with a class bully.

Blubber by Judy Blume (ages 9 - 12)
A young girl goes along with tormenting a classmate and finds out what it is like to be a target herself.

Welcome to "Tip" Tuesday...
Like/Share/Be the Difference...Be a Friend
SBCFoundation www.stopbully.com 2001-2013

Facebook      Twitter

Effects of Bullying - Advice for Parents

As we know from our own childhoods the impact of Bullying is significant, now scientifically, we can look into the brains of adolescence seeing the actual effect of traumatic negative circumstances. Because of the intensity, bullying can affect a child in every area of their life; the trauma experienced sends cortisol levels spiking much like a traumatic car accident.

Bullying is serious; as the number of bully’s increases; as their reach and their effect (due to online presence) increase, the problem is getting worse. How do we protect our sons and daughters from bullying? This is a significant question. Although the answer may shock you, it is simple. You can’t. A second MORE important question, “how do we protect them from the EFFECTS of bullying?” That is where our responsibility as parents is. We must matter more to our children, our opinion of our kids must matter more. Our words must be louder (in a loving way) than the hurtful words of multiple bullies. Our children, when apart from us will be bullied; will we be there (in their minds) to help them through?

How can we be present with them even though they are away from us? Perhaps to demonstrate how, I’ll use a simple example. Your six year old on the first day of grade 1 is in the playground and another bigger child (perhaps from an advanced grade) starts to tell her, that 2 plus 2 equals 5. Perhaps you child stands confused, and she may not even say something back, but what is happening in your child’s head? Perhaps you have a child who knows how to speak for themselves, hands on hips she will say “no my daddy taught me, that 2 plus 2 is 4. Your child knows what is true, because you taught them what is true, you brought out apples and put two on one side of the table and two on the other, and then counted them all. Each of these moments, will be going through your little girls brain, as she stares at someone, disagreeing with you, and your teaching.

What happens, when what is said in the playground, feels like it FITS what is said at home? What happens, when a bully calls your little girl worthless and because of the way she FEELS when you tell her to clean her room, or drop her off at school, she believes it is true, not just from the bully, but in her life?

The real change that needs to be made when it comes to the epidemic of bullying, is in our living rooms, our dining rooms, in our kitchens and mini vans on the way to soccer practice. Parenting is frustrating deal. Kids don’t listen, they are not mini adults, they are little ones who have yet to mature. They forget things, wreck things, spill things, and then slam their bikes into the side of your Mercedes. They break the dish that has been in the family for 3 generations. And these things suck. They are hard, how we respond in the moment, and/or how we end a day, how we apologize, how we ensure, even though we share our frustration, that our kids know they are loved by us, makes all the difference in the playground.

Our words.

Our voice.

They need to be held, protected by you. I believe that if parents knew the only thing that would protect their kids at recess from the bully is their words that morning, or the evening before, then parents would try as hard as they could to change those words.

“You are worthless” – No, my DADDY said I was special

“You are ugly” – no, my mommy said I was beautiful

“You are snob” – no, my parents said I was nice

“You are pathetic” – no, I am loved

Words are powerful – may your words speak louder than the bully

Justin Hubert

@justinHubert (twitter)

www.slv2all.blogspot.com (Blog)

Justin is the CEO of Heritage Family Services, an organization caring for 100 kids every day aged 0-18, he and his wife have 4 kids aged 2-12.